Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
