Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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