walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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