perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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