Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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