im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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