I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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