ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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