Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
