btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
