I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
