she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
