she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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