Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
