He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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