Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
