I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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