This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
is wine microwaveable?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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