he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
