So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My feet surprised me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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