I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
