I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
