you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
