Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
