my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
