ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need to stop coming to work sober
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
