gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
