so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
