oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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