Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
