sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
