I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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