Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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