oh god the rape fog is back!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
