Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
