I think im going to throw up on grandma
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
