what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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