Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
