Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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