its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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