ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
