i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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