just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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