My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
