Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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