I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
