Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
