I can text with my tongue
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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