Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
