Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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