she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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