Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
